Tru Writes: Goodbye…(Weakness)

Posted on 05/29/09, in Tru Writes, by Truitt O'Neal

In a moment of weakness today I called you to invite you over to talk about us. I have to say that I had other intentions that included more than a conversation; the weakness. So instead I’m writing to tell you that I’m finally understanding the silence and I get it. If you wanted to talk to me, you would have called. If you wanted to see me, you would have stopped by; but you have not. It is the progression of a disconnect that continues even as I write this note to you. It use to be that you would call or text throughout the day but those times are long gone. The constant check ups helped me to get through the day but now I rely solely on the promise of a brighter future that lies ahead. I had hoped that time would have made things better but it seems like it just made our situation more apparent; the realization of the true end of our relationship.

Recently people have reached out to me in friendship, and in my fragile state I have pushed them away to keep the space next to my heart open for you. While trying to honor a love that no longer exists, would-be friends and others have slowly turned to foes because they feel rejected. Now silence comes from their direction as well as yours. The one thing I had hoped for is that they will, in time, forgive me for my actions and will allow me the opportunity that I once enjoyed with you; a life of friendship, love, and happiness.

So where does this place us? Friends, foes, or other; I’m not quite sure. I would hope that it would put us in a better place than we had been before with the constant fights and distrust. A place where we can both shine like the stars that we both truly are. Maybe someday our stars could shine together but for now I understand that they we will only shine our brightest if we are apart. For the first time, in a long time, I can honestly say that I will be alright. Knowing and accepting our truth will help us to move on. My truth is that I now know who I really am and I’m ready to love the most important person of all…Myself.